But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
