So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
