then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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