You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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