WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
