So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
