He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It all started with a game of naked twister.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
