i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
