TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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