it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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