There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
