I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize