Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
