I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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