had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
either way he was missing a nipple.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
