help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
