you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
