it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
