My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
