Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
