I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I licked your asshole in confidence.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
