i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
