where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Still dying that you shit outside
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
