Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize