Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
