??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize