sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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