Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She bit a glass in half.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
