Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
