I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
