The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
