He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
