Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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