ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
