Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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