hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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