i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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