I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
