WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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