You just made me feel so damn special
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
FUCK WHALES
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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