hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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