Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
