just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
