remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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