I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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