you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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