uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
