If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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