I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
