these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
