i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
