I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
