Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
