Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
