Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
