I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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