you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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