I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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