I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
