He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
