They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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