I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
