Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
