I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
